Raging Feels

Those moments when you have so many emotions and feelings going on throughout your body at once you don't know where to start sorting out the important ones from the ones you could go the rest of your life without verbalizing. You know where all the feels belong and you know how to say them you just have no freaking idea where to begin. 
 All in one day you can feel like things are going to be good and then suddenly you crest the peak of your emotional feel-coaster and it's all down hill from there. No hope in even attempting to try and hold it together or shriek out of sheer angst. If you are in the privacy of your own home or a friends home you don't mind breaking down in just let it happen. Let the ride come to a stop and slowly but surely exit the cart to compose yourself once more before anything else dramatic happens. 
 One moment you're laying down fine, no real feels coursing through your veins and then suddenly...BAM!... you're hit with all sorts of feels, so many that they're pouring out of your eyeballs. Then you know you're in trouble. Again, just let it happen and it will happen less and less throughout the day. The more you fight your feels the harder they are going to be to control the harder it is going to be to contain yourself and compose yourself be public appropriate. The more you let your feels out the calmer you become throughout the day.
 You finally let yourself see the light of day, you've let your feels take control for a day or two and you finally grace the world with your presence, let the sun hit your skin and take some deep breaths of fresh air and tell yourself to stop being a little bitch and get yourself together. Once you get yourself together it becomes easier to be around yourself as well. You're not constantly tearing up, you're not shaky in breathing, you're calm and you realize that things are going to work out how they should. Things are going to go back to how they were and you're going to feel like you again. You're going to feel normal and realize things will be fine and you're being over dramatic for no reason. Of course it doesn't seem that way at the time, with all the feels coursing through your body you feel that being that dramatic is totally normal. Yet, soon you will realize that you're going to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and continue you're everyday life, with or without the person who dug up all these wild feels.
 Tell yourself that you control your life no one else does, they only have the power to upend your life if you allow them that power, otherwise no one else can do that to you. No one can cause you to act ridiculous and be erratic unless you allow them to.
 Sometimes communication can be the reason for all the crazy feels. You're trying to come to terms with a situation and breath and get over things and take baby steps to feeling normal again and the communication between you and the subject that caused this, hurts you more than it helps you. You love hearing from them at the moment but it's hard because you don't know how to  act while the chat is commencing. You don't know what to say that won't make you come off as a pathetic, clingy, unwanted mess. You don't stay clam and collected as you plan you end up becoming a sniveling teary mess. Allowing your feels to hit once again. You contact them because you'd rather let your feels rage than go without talking to them because while you're chatting them up you feel like yourself again and you feel normal but then as soon as the contact of the moment ends you don't know what to do with yourself. Until you talk to another human whose feels are significantly more under control and you realize you need to not communicate with them. No contact, no chatting them up, not checking up on them because for the time your feels aren't solid enough to handle it. You need to let them be the one to come to you, let your feels calm down and chill out and let them come to you let your feels see you don't need to make first contact because sooner or later (preferably sooner in all situations) when they miss you they will check up on you or call or just let you know that you're on their mind. 
 As hard as it is going to be not being the one to practically beg for the attention it's what needs to happen. You need to back off so that things can calm down and you can stabilize and things can either going back to how they were or change for the better. Don't tuck your feels away altogether however, you don't want the person to think they don't matter, there is a line you're going to have to find to let the person know that they are the most important person in your life and how in love with them you are and that you understand why things have taken the turn to how they have but you don't want to suffocate them. 
 Just as in reality once you suffocate them, their attachments to you dies a little and then you have no choice but to move on because once it's dead you can't revive it, so keep your feels just lively enough to send some love their way but not enough to take all their breath away.
 Remember, raging feels aren't a bad thing! It all depends on how you handle them. <3

When You Find Yourself Lost

Do you ever have those moments when you know you're on top of the world and you realize 'i have never been this happy!' and then you get the fear that it won't last long. You can't bring yourself to admit it verbally, because verbalizing it makes it true, but you know in your heart that it won't last much longer, because that's what happens, good things don't last long.
  As you're being told by someone that they still love you and that things are going to be okay. "Things are going to work out and we aren't ending it, we just need to wait for a time when we don't have to push things." Your entire person is shaking, trying to control yourself as you completely and totally one hundred percent lose it and turn into a sniveling, begging mess. Begging them not to end things and begging them to give you another chance to not leave you because even as you're trying to get yourself to shut the fuck up you can feel yourself dying on the inside. Months of being together and you're acting like you're losing your soul mate, like you cannot live without them and you don't know why. They tell you that it's going to be okay and it isn't ending it's just being put on pause. Just for now until you don't have to push things, that they still feel the same and they still love you and their feelings haven't changed and they want to give it another try and if it weren't for the timing we could last for a long time. As you're listening to them, you're trying to take it all in but it isn't working; your chest is getting heavier, you start to get light headed and you beg yourself not to be sick. You beg yourself not to make yourself into an even bigger fool then you already have.
  You feel like your drowning and you want to believe them and everything they're saying, you want to believe that everything is going to be okay because despite only knowing them for such a short time they have become such a huge part of your life and you've fallen head over heals in love with them. Everything about them, their smile, their laugh, the way they can never give you and yes or no answer, how passionate they are about everything (including you) and how much they care about everything and then you realize that you can live without them but a huge part of your soul would be missing and you don't want to have to do that you want to have hope for the future  there are moments when you doubt that and you're sure that nothing is going to happen and no good is going to come from it but then you think of all the conversations you've have, how much fun you have doing nothing together and how amazing he is at making you feel like you're flying.
  Just remember, when you're feeling lost, remember how he makes you feel with a simply glance. How he makes you feel simply by smiling at you. You feel like you're flying and like you've never had a reason to doubt anything. Just remember that he loves you and he wants to be with you and at the moment the universe is testing how strong the two of you are together. Always remember that the two of you can be stressed, pushing things, and knocked down that you can get up and this is just the universes way of telling you, that you've passed the test and you're going to make it. Remember when you're feeling lost that you are going to make it.