Putting Out The Fire

There are those people in our lives that we never want to forget, never want to let go, never want to be away from. Even if they are completely and totally unhealthy for you, you need them to breathe, without them you can act as happy as you want but you won't truly ever been satisfied until they are back in the proper space that you know they should be in.

  As unhealthy as they may be you know that you need them in your life, just so, even though they throw your life into a tailspin of problems, cause drama, and turn you into a mad hatter they drive you so crazy sometimes you need them. You need them. No matter what wrong they do, you can't stay mad at them for long, your smile seems less happy, it seems harder for you to function. Harder for you to smile, move, breathe, eat, be yourself because without them you feel like you can't be yourself. Even though that's the feeling that's eating you up inside you don't tell anyone for the simple fact that you know everyone will judge you: you're pathetic, cant get over him, can't move on. 

  Inside you know it's over, you know there's no hope but you can't stop yourself from hoping still the same that he'll come back. That he'll miss you, realize he needs you as much as you need him, grow a set and do something about everything, not move on but move back to you. You know it won't happen but you wish with your every fiber that it would.

  They are those people who you say you want in your life so badly that you can put up with being just their friend, sharing some laughs, watching them love other people, deal with their bad habits, handling them in the good and bad moments just so that you can be part of their life until you come to the realization that you cant do it. You cannot be just their friend, because from the moment you saw them you knew you weren't meant to be their friend, you were never meant to be just a friend, you are meant to be so much more, but you know you can never do anything about it. 

  That feeling of burning all your bridges, and watching the smoke from that fire going up into the sky, that's when you know that you're on the way to recovery. That's when you know you're going to be okay, you're going to be able to pick up the pieces of your heart and you're going to be able to heal completely and totally for the next person who will need you as much as you need them.

Burning Your Memories

Sometimes, you need to learn to just burn your memories, whether you want to or not you need to burn them. Not so much to forget them, but so that you are able to move on to make new memories. Old memories are some of the best things that you can have but you also need to make new memories.
  The good thing is, memories are always available to remember but you also have to learn to let go of the things that caused the memories.
  Always hold on to the things that you love and the things that make you smile but sometimes it's the right thing to let go of them for a while, and loosen you hold on things in order to be able to move on.
  Figuratively and literally.

xoxo

Conversating With The Wise

 I talked with my grandmother tonight, like actually talked with my grandmother, which I feel like i haven't done in eons. I don't often get to speak with her the way I was able to tonight, she was clear tonight. Very clear. She was thinking clearly, speaking clearly, even understanding what I was telling her (which even my friends have a hard time doing from time to time) and she was enjoying it. I love her, I really do, but sometimes it can get so frustrating trying to communicate with her. 
 Sometimes, when I take time to think about it, I feel awful the way us (the family) speaks to her at times. We get so short, loud, snappy, and rude and we don't even realize we're doing it because it's become so second nature to us when it comes to her that it doesn't effect us the way it should. When I take a moment to think about it I think about my grandfather, yes, when he passed she wasn't the woman he had fallen in love with, she had changed but time and age does that, it changes us in some good ways and some bad. But I know he's watching us and every-time one of us gets out of line with her I know he's banging the doors down to his new world to come and beat the shit out of us for talking to his woman the way we do. They argued and bickered and didn't get along much toward the end but he loved her, he always did.
  I asked her a question tonight, one that I have wanted to ask her for a long time but by the time I wanted to asked the question he was gone and I didnt want to upset her so I never asked. Tonight however I jumped on it and I asked her the question I think every time I think of the two of them, their stories, and someone who I have my eye on. I asked her "Grama, do you ever regret it? Regret marrying Grampa, because everyone was so dead-set against the entire thing?"
 She looked at me and her entire face lit up, I haven't seen her face light up like that in YEARS. She smiled so happy and dreamily and she said "No hunny, I don't. I never regretted a day of my life with that man. He was my one, my man." Then she put a shaky hand on mine and said "When you love someone, truly love someone you never really regret them. You never regret loving them, making them yours and making a life with them, and if you do then they aren't your one." 
  She then moved on to tell me all of their stories again, the way they met, how far he would walk to see her, and how much her loved her. Telling me that he was never really much of a talker but he was a gracious man and he had his moments but he was always so good. She also told me, "Always ask me your questions about him." She truly did love him and her life will always be half empty without him in it for now. They'll meet each other and love each other all over again soon.
  There really isn't any proven point to this thought, I just wanted to share it, true love is out there, I suppose could be the message. You just have to look for it. And remember, when you love someone, truly love someone it doesn't matter what other people say for or against them, take them, make them yours love them for the rest of your life because they won't have to live with them you will and if you can tolerate them then it doesn't matter what anyone else has to say about it. So, I suppose there was a point it just took me a moment to see it. 
  As for you, take a moment and talk to someone in your family, grandparents, aunts or uncles and ask them something about the person they love, I will bet you that you won't regret learning something new from them. :)

R.I.P.

Alexander Grous

March, 6, 2011

You will always be remembered

Always

<3

. 

Among the smiling, laughing, and razor-blade winged butterflies

 There are those moments in your life when you believe you've found someone who you absolutely cannot live without and then you realize that as much as you want it to happen that they just don't want you as much as you want them. Or at all for that matter. 
  It kills you inside to know that they don't want you, even the tiniest bit. Then there is everyone else, everyone else who says they want you, even though you know they really only want one thing and you're not interested. THEN, there are you friends who love you and tell you 'if this is them and you love them hold on. Don't let go, it'll work out in the end.' even though, in reality no one knows what's going to happen, if it's going to work out, or who you're going to end up with in the end. Or even for a little while. 
  It isn't about knowing, forsure, who you are going to end up with. It's about opening up your heart and not fearing the possible pain that the person could cause you because when you love someone you trust them enough not to hurt you. Often times you will regret that at some point. You feel like if they loved you they wouldn't hurt you, or they wouldn't be doing this. But you honestly, you don't know what's happening in their mind, when they see you or hear your name or even talk to their friends about you. You don't know what's happening behind those eyes everytime they look at you or another person. For all you know you could be their person as well but it isn't the right time to find out for sure or not.
  After promising someone something and you promise you won't go anywhere and then they go, well, everywhere. You wait and wait because, simply there isnt anyone else who makes you smile or laugh they way they do. There isn't anyone else who makes you feel like the sun is constantly shinning on you when they're around, so you wait. You wait, and wait and wait because you love them and you want them and you're willing to wait for them. When suddenly, out of the blue, someone who you didnt think you'd ever want to spend a long amount of time around let alone make you laugh, begins to make you laugh. And unexpectedly they smile at you and you get butterflies, butterflies no one except that one person has ever given you. At first you really don't like it, it makes you angry, you don't like that someone else has done this. It's almost a crime. But you see them more and you realize maybe it isn't all that bad and maybe you don't mind it. 
  You still love the person you've been after but while you're waiting for them you realize maybe it's okay to play at what they do and find someone else to spend time with.
 But you never know among-st the smiling, laughing, and razor-blade winged butterflies something else might happen and you might find someone who wants you, more than you'll be able to understand. Only way you'll find out is to loosen up, open up, and give someone else a chance.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can, I Know I Can

There are those moments in life where you think 'What am I doing?!', 'Where am I going with my life?', 'What's going to happen?' and then there are those moments when you are like 'Yes! Finally, this is really happening, I'm going to be okay!'. Today is the third kind of moment. And I for one can say I love the feeling.

  Waking up one day and realizing, 'damn, this is it. This is the next big step in my life and it's going to work, i'm going to make it, I'm going to be okay', I'm not sure that i've ever had a better feeling than that.

  You just have to keep telling yourself that things are going to be okay, everything is going to work out, it isn't going to be a problem, you are going to make it through this. Or in the words of one of my favorite children book The Little Engine The Could  "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can." ;)

Back Off, It's Their Turn

When you love someone you want to do everything in your power to make the smile, to keep them safe, assure that they will be in as little pain as humanly possibly. We do this so much sometimes it can come off as overbearing, needy, or nosey; when in reality you just want to make sure you're doing your best to make them comfortable and make their life easier for them.
  Sooner or later you need to learn to back off, not completely but you need to switch and transition to another roll in their life. Not the protector who keeps everything from touching them but the healer, when something happens you are their to help them feel better, you're there to help them breathe and heal from whatever experience just happened.
  Just thinking about that is hard isn't it? Thinking about not being with them to keep them safe or not say something when you know exactly what is going on and they have no clue. It's hard to think 'but when he finds out this is going to crush him, and then he is going to hate me because i knew the entire time and I didn't tell him.' it's excruciating when those thoughts come in - trust me - but you have to overcome those thoughts and understand that they NEED to find out on their own, they absolutely have to go throught this and understand it in their own time and you don't have to worry about them hating you because you did things the way you did them because they needed this. They needed it to grow up, mature and learn to handle these things on their own otherwise they won't know how to handle things if you aren't around or you can't be around when they need you. They won't hate you because you were there for them the entire time and you will continue to be there if they want you.
  Yes, it is still a painful thought that the

Don't Bother Doing Me, I Got It.

Don't you just love those people who spend all of their time worry about whatever everyone else is doing and not minding their own business and insisting on trying to deal with what you're doing through even though number one they have no idea what's really going on and number two you've made it totally obvious that you don't want, need, or value their help or input? Yes! I adore those people!! They. Are. The. Best. -_-

  People who don't mind their own business are just annoying and not in the sense that they annoy you when they're around you, but in the sense that they annoy you even when they aren't even near your oxygen simply because they are 'helping' you even when they arent around. Helping you by telling people 'what's really going on' and 'this is what happened' when to their surprise later on when you light into them and tell them you didnt want their help the entire time that they really had the wrong information. The rumors help some truth but mainly were false, and by listening to the rumors and automatically assuming it was the opposite that was going on they tell they people harassing you that you're afraid of getting arrested so you won't touch them, you really don't have feelings for the guy all of this is centered around, and you're afraid to do anything about any of this for fear of getting in trouble. When, in reality, the only reason you havent touched the people harassing you is because your best friend wont let you & You do NOT look good in orange (pale skin and all), and yes, actually you do have feelings for the guy, in fact you're in love with him but you don't want to force the situation because you don't want to pressure him, and no, you are not afraid of getting in trouble but you are weary of beating these people to a bloody pulp, because you don't like blood, and yes you arent a fan of getting kicked out of school.

When people try and help you, if they are close to you it's nice to have someone their to assist...when their help is asked for. When people you can't stand try and help you with things, it makes you want to perminantly injure them and in the spirit of the Godfather, make them swim with the fishes. But you decide to let your brain cells take charge, your common sense tell them directions, and your maturity hit the gas, and then before you know it the karma train is going and you're the damned conductor!

Remember if you want to be real, Do you because as a very wise person once said 'fake people talk about other people being fake. Real people worry about their business and no one else's...

So remember, do you because I got me.

Set Yourself Free

 Sometimes in life there is nothing more that we can do other than to let go. Seems easy enough, right? Think again! Think about people that we love, something we love, something that makes us feel good, something that we are good at, or something that we don't want to give up just to prove someone wrong. Sometimes in order to set ourselves free and allow us to fly we need to let go. Let go of the problems at school or work, problems with people, problems with friends or relationships, the people we love and how we want things to be. Whether it's because you simply are afraid to let go or it is because you want to prove someone wrong in the way of doing it.
 By holding on to those things you may very well be holding yourself back, keeping your wings soaked with everything that keeps you down: stress, pain, heartbreak, confusion, hate, guilt. All dripping off of you everyday, hurting you and causing you to be unable to fly.
 As Lee Iaccoca said "There is no substitute for acute knowledge. Know yourself, know your business, know your men." Couldn't have been more right, better watch out for those men, tricky tricky creatures! ;D
 Know yourself. Know your body, if you don't know your body you'll never know when your body is trying to tell you that it has had enough. If you don't know your body you will push and push and push until you are completely burnt out, you have no more and there is no hope of ever finding yourself again or being able to bounce back to you.
 Other times when you DO know yourself it's hard to accept that you are doing the right thing and you can't make up your mind. As Charles Spurgeon said "Beware of no man more than of yourself; we carry our worst enemies with us."
 Our own worst enemy you ask? If yourself. You either don't know yourself so you don't know what needs to happen when it needs to happen or you know yourself and you are afraid to let it happen and you choke the life out of yourself.
 In the long run do yourself, and everyone who loves you, a favor. Learn to love and know yourself. Learn to listen to yourself, and set yourself free. If you don't you'll be choked of all life and your wings will never dry.

Finding The Strength...To Shoot And Move On

Sometimes there is nothing else we can do other than to move on...Moving on in friendships, relationships, or just in life. Change is a scary thing, but sometimes it needs to happen. It needs to happen or else we will never be able to change and grow with it, grow and flourish in the things that will help us move on in life and become stronger. Although change is scary, change gives us the amo we need to point, shoot and move on.

 As Henry Rollins once said: "Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength and move on."

You think you are as strong as you can possibly be just before something happens, while it's happening you think 'i cannot possibly be any more broken. I am not going to be able to recover from this. I'm done.' , then once you've been through the ringer, you don't know what to do with yourself and you've gotten through what you swore you were never going to make it through you've become stronger, and gotten off for the better and no even realized it until it happened. Suddenly, something small happens again and you can say to yourself 'Psshhaw! I got this.' and as you're trying to convince yourself, you realize that you're right, you do have it and you are going to be fine.

Remember: Next time you're feeling down and you think you can't make it, that once you're through what you're going through you're going to be able to take on your world. You are going to be able to go through life without feeling like you are drowning and can't get any breath. You'll be strong, and you'll be able to demolish all that gets in your way.

Next time you're feeling defeated work your hardest, Find the strength

To shoot and move on.

Extraordinarily You

Sometimes we see ourselves and we think 'what do they see when they look at me?' 'why the hell would he/she be interested in me?' 'why are they intersted in me?' the answer to all of those questions - and any others that you may have - is : Because you are you and that's what you're extraordinary at!
 
Others may try and dress like, act like, or speak like you do; whether it be in mocking or in admirtation causing them to want to be more like you. Or to get someone that is intersted in you, interested in them. But the truth of it is, no one is as good at being you are you are. Whether they are pro at pretending they can never out YOU yourself.

A favorite actor of mine has some wise words on this subject...Bruce Lee at one point said: "Always be yourself, express yourself, have faith in yourself, do not go out and look for a sucessful personality and duplicate it."

He could not have been more right in saying that. Be yourself, express your feelings, desires, and your personality flares. Let people see who you are, the person who sings at the top of the lungs to the embarassing music they have on their iPod, the person who dances around the house when no one is around, the nerd, the excited perky person, the person who has a few down days.

Having personality is a major turn on. Having personality let's people have a small glimpse of what they have in store if they decide to be included in your life. Having personality shows everyone and anyone giving you are hard time, encouraging you, wanting you, loving you, hating you, that no one will EVER be able to be you better than you can. So remember be yourself.

Because You Are: Extraordinarily You

The Devil's Definition

Sometimes we have situations where we know we're right and we don't feel like we need to back off of the situation and then there are other times when we are pretty sure we're right and we STILL don't want to back off the situation, and then there are the even worst of times when we know for a fact that we are wrong but we don't want to grow up and step off the situation.

  In order for us to mature or to let others see us as maturing we need to learn to grow up even if we are right and hop off. Swallow whatever issue you are having and get over the fact that yes, even if you are right, you need to fold and allow the other person to think that they've won. If it means ending an ongoing problem then you need to back off. That is something of an issue for me, when I'm right then I'm right I am not backing off, backing down, stepping off or admitting to failure especially if failure isnt warranted for the moment. Sometimes it needs to be done.

  Mark Twain once said "You are a coward if you even seemed to have backed down from something you openly set out to do."

  In a way he is right, if you have said 'I am going to complete...' or 'I am going to change...' or even simply wanted to demand a different reaction from someone an backing down because you think it is too hard is being a coward, trying again, give it another try.

However, the definition of the word 'Reconciliation' from the Devil's Dictionary is a noun in form and it means : A suspension of hostilities. An armed truce for the purpose of digging up the dead.

  This definition has much more meaning than you think it would have. It means that when we reconcile or even have truce it is never over. The one person is always waiting for the other to strike again, or to come back with something else, something new. New ammunition to take you down with.

  So you choose: Mark Twain or the devils definition?

 Do you want to be a coward and back down and have a truce, to reconcile and always have things in the back of your mind wondering when they are going to hit you again or are you going to end things. Don't back down until you've won. Announce the fact that you are setting out to demolish even ammunition that your enemy has.

   Choose Wisely.

Forget to Tighten Your Mask

As we grow up we are taught by different people in our life how we are supposed to handle our emotions. That we should show our every emotion, that we should hold it all up inside so no one knows, that we should show only certain people our emotions. Which one are we supposed to choose? As we get older we figure out how to read our emotions, we decide who we can trust enough to share them with, who we can't share anything with, and which emotions are an okay thing to share with people.
  Some of us wear our emotions on our sleeves, others keep it locked up inside and sometimes we have a mixture of both. We share the emotions that we know people are expecting us to and other times we snap and we can't keep our mask as tight as we want it to and we can't keep our mask up all the way and then we lose it. We lose all of it, we let every single emotion running out of us all at once. We see red, we swear, we shake and after a while every little thing that happens; Every whisper, every rumor, every look sends us into panic mode, and sends us to anger in the speed of Moch 5 and we don't know what to do, we don't know how to handle ourselves any longer we don't know what we arent supposed to do and we don't know what is going to happen but in the long run it doesn't matter. In the long run we realize that we need to put our mask back on, get over it and tighten all our laces that keep our mask on and keep going.
 Sometimes people in our lives make a larger deal out of things then need be. We do things that people think we need to do during the current situation but Mark Twain hit the nail on the head when he said : "Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary." When something in our life happens the first reaction that we have in the real emotion that we are feeling not the emotion that we think people want us to have. Sometimes we just need to let ourselves go and be involuntary.

Blow Your Own Sail.

We all have our favorite seasons. Mine are all but winter but i prefer the Summer and Spring, the new growth, sun and warm weather brings out the absolute best in me. Dressing wise and attitude wise. I tend to be smiling and laughing nonstop. The bright colors, amazing sun shine, cute clothes and free time outside are definately a heavy influence on my personality. Seasons aren't only in the weather however, we also have heavy seasons in our lives, which also feed into our personality, for good and for bad. The good we obviously approve of more but the bad also have a point. If we didnt have the bad there wouldn't be any growth and any strengthening of our weaker parts.
Jim Rohn once said: "You must take personal responsibility. You cannot chance the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind but you can change yourself. That is something you have charge of."
  Sometimes we forget that yes, even though we cant always control the season in our life that we are in at the moment whether we like it or not we can change ourselves. We can ake charge of how we react to the happenings that are going on around us. You can be the wind that blows your sails.
  We can control which way our boat goes because we - with our attitudes, perspectives and personalities - can change the direction we are heading in at the moment; so always remember when you don't like the season you are in you can do something about it.
        Blow you sail a different way.

Take'em Where You Can Get'em

Sometimes people come into our lives for different periods of time and some come in for shorter periods of time and some are there forever.
 Sometimes those people that leave come back and evey once in a while we have the one mental patient of a person who we loves with all of ourselves who just keeps bouncing in and out but in the end always comes back.
 Letting a person leave, kicking them out, fighting for them to stay and realizing that they weren't worth it, or them leaving for a time it is nice to reconnect with someone who meant alot to you.
 Lately friends are difficult to come by for some people (myself included) and it is nice that just when we think everyone had gone and left you, never to come back someone pops back in. Then another, and another and another and before you know it you have friends again, more than you realize that all along there were people all surrounding you that love you and you weren't meant to have them in your life at that moment in time and it was meant to happen later on. Whether is be a few days, hours, weeks, or years to when you really wanted (or didnt want) them in your life that they are they and they are back and you missed them and it is nice to hear that they missed you too.
 Someone once said "It's true that we don't know what we've got until it's gone but we also don't know what we've been missing until it shows up."
  That is so true on so many levels. <3

Sometimes I Wonder...

At the moment I am sitting in my school building and I wonder if the people the I go to school with listen to themselves when they talk or if they hear a huge wooshing noise in their ears so they don't realize how ridiculous they sound...This leads me into this:
 Do we listen to ourselves sometimes? When we get going on a rant, or venting, or complaining about every little nitpicky thing? Do we really hear ourselves? Yes, for the most part we 'hear' the noise of our voices coming out of our throats but do we really hear what we are saying, that's the question.
 The saying Think Before You Speak or If You Don't Have Anything Nice To Say Don't Say It At All comes to mind. We don't really listen to those old saying that our grandparenst or aunts and uncles or parents told us, do we? No, for the most part we don't.
  Walt Disney once said "Whenever I go on a ride I think about what's wrong and how it can be improved." In a way that works with us, our thinking process, and the way we speak. If we took some time to think about what we were saying, instead of spitting the first thing that comes to our minds out of our mouth, we would be able to save ourselves alot of problems. If we thought about what is wrong with what we are saying then we would probably be able to solve our own problems without asking the opnion of other people and without overthinking things, if we just thought in the first place.
  Like I said, sometimes I wonder what goes through our minds when we speak or when we are thinking. Do we stop and think about what are thinking about? Does that makes any sense? If we think about what we are spending most of our time thining about then maybe we wouldn't have so much drama, heartache, and lose of friends. Because, honestly, when we dont think before we speak we lose people. Whether the point of our speaking was to lose someone or whether it was just to voice our opinion we would be much better suited to think and go about things in a much more well managed and calm way then they way that most of us handle things...rushed, loud, and usually painful...Then there is also the opposite end of that spectrum but we'll talk about that later.

Swallow it...just don't choke

Sometimes, even though we feel we know best and we know what we need to do to get anywhere and everywhere in our lives there is one thing we need to do: Learn to swallow our pride.
 Yes, it hurts. Yes, it totally sucks. Yes, sometimes it's hard and we choke. In the end though, swallowing our pride can help our situation.
 Listening to our heart is the most important thing we can remember to do, but also we need to listen to those around us who love us. The true friends, the family, the people who mean the world to us.
 During a situation you can have multiple parties of people telling us different things...Which do we listen to? For the most part, if we sit down and we think of what we need to do we can figure it out and decide what to do on our own. At other times though we need to sit down, think about it, and listen to those around us to help guide us in the right direction.
 When we listen to someone it can be one of the worst thing to admit that they were right and we were yet again wrong. Honestly, it sucks to admit that someone else is always right about us but sometimes it needs to happen and they need to be right about us. It can be infuriating and aggrivating and down right infuriating to admit that the best friend, the parent, that one special teacher, that group of friend whoever it may be is right. It can be horrible but we need to Swallow It...our pride that is. We just need to learn not to Choke On It...
 That is a skill that takes years, a million situations, but only one person to come to terms that those people are right because they are looking out for us and loving us. Don't be angry be grateful and love them back.
 So remember, when it comes to pride: Just swallow it, don't choke on it.

Love, Actually.

As a friend what is the one thing you want for your best friend? You want them to be happy, right? You want their happiness to come before yours, even if that means sacrificing something yourself, as long as your best friend is happy for the most part you are content, correct?
 Hypathetically speaking say your best friend falls for someone, say you don't like that person one hundred percent, or at all for that matter. Not for any specific reason you just arent a fan, but you see the way you he/she makes him/her light up when they talk about them or think about them or even pretend to think about possibly mentioning a memory between them. Either way, whatever the scenerio, you can tell how much they mean to your friend. What happens? You are supportive, you do not however threaten to leave them or tell their parents what is going on before the person has a chance to themselves.
 When you love someone, friend or more than a friend you put their happiness before your own and seeing them happy makes you happy. When someone means something to you, you put their happiness before yours. If you choose to put yourself before them then maybe you need to think about your definition of a friend and your ideas of how your friendship is to them.
 As Harold H Glasow once said "A true friend never gets in your way unless you are going down."
 In friendship, a true friend doesnt get in ones way when they are going for something, something they need to do or something they want with all of their heart, they stand by them and they support them they don't block the way. A friend doesnt block the way unless they are catching as you are falling flat on your face.
 Remember that next time you think of friendship, as you think of your best friend, as you think of you yourself as friend. Do you get in your friends way, do you stop them from doing things (*disclaimer: stopping them from doing something to hurt themselves, no matter how much they want to do it, doesnt count as getting in their way negatively*), do you stop them from going after what they want. If you do any of the above, check yourself because maybe you arent being who you need to be.
 Concerning your friends think about the same questions: Do they stop you from doing things, do they twist things so it benefits them, do they get in your way. If so maybe you are using them as crutch because you think you can't do any better.
           Or maybe you just need to spellcheck your version of True Friendship.

Losing Your Light...

The worst thing that could possibly happen is losing the light in your eyes when the eyes are the window to your soul. You laugh, but for some people their eyes are how their true emotions are noticed. By those people who know them but don't know them super well a 'what's wrong?' with a half hearted answer of 'nothing, I'm just tired' will do. But for those people who really know you, like know that your about to think about possibly sneezing before your body ever registers it kind of knows you, your eyes are their best weapon toward you. My own eyes?! You ask, horrifEYED. Yes, your own eyes. They will use your eyes against you and the conversation you just had with someone who kind of knows you, that you were able to away with a false answer doesn't go the same.
 It goes something like this. "What's wrong?" "Nothing, I'm just tired." *friend stares intently into your eyes* "What did he/she do?" And your friends know exactly what is going on, or have a roughly constructed idea of what is going on, simply by glancing into your eyes for a moment or two.
The worst thing that could happen is for you to lose your light in your eyes. Now, if you have friends that don't pay attention to your eyes or you never had bright eyes to begin with, don't sweat it! They won't notice, but that also means you most likely won't notice; which is not always a good thing. On the other hand, if you have friends that pay acute attention to your eyes and you do carry your emotions on your sleeve and you every thought whether it is heartbreak, happiness, excitment, fear, exhaustion, or loss of hope registers in your eyes You. Are. Screwed. (I happen to be one of those people)
 It doesn't matter whether you say you are fine, and you actually THINK and BELIEVE you are fine. Once your friends get a glance at your eyes, it is ALL OVER! They will know almost immediately whether something is wrong with you, whether they know what it is right away, well that all depends on the friend. My best friend, will give me one chance to explain whats wrong and then when I lie and say 'I'm fine' she turns to the eyes and decides on her own.
 (There will be a point to this soon)
When you lose your light, sometimes even you don't realize it. You need to be reignited, sometimes it takes an afternoon, a weekend, a nap, or a few weeks. Either way you need to be reignited, something the flame that comes back in them is dim compared to previous flames, sometimes the flame comes back brighter, and sometimes it takes the same person who blew out the flame to reignite it. More often than not, that is the case, but sometimes you need to carry your own lighter. Find things that make smile, a favorite memory, picture, or band. Something that you share with friends or just with yourself.
 But never let yourself go dark for long, the longer you're dark the colder it gets and the harder it is get lit up again. For yourself, not for your friends, or that special someone only for yourself don't let yourself lose you light because your light is part of yourself. If you don't believe me, go and look in the mirror, do you eyes look dull or do you need some hot volunteer firemen to keep the inferno in your eyes under control?
;D

Honestly...

We are taught as children that: Honesty is the best policy. That still rings true throughout your entire life. The fact that sharing your feelings, whether you are afraid or worried to always makes you feel better in the end; and that it is the only way to keep yourself sane.
 Holding your feelings in, or holding in the truth about something that is going on will get you nowhere except hurt and lost. No matter what, it's a circle of life type deal. In the end the best way to be able to move on is to tell the people that need to know. Whether you want to or not it is always best to tell them what is happening. You may think that they will act one way when in fact they will act in a completely different matter and you had no clue that would happen.
 If we don't share what is happening to us, whether we are having the time of our life or our life is a living hell at the moment if you don't share with your friends they can't possibly protect you or rejoice in you having the best moments of your life.
 As Salvador Dali said "Drawing is the honesty of art. There is possibility of cheating. It's either good or bad." This is true with our emotions too. Emotions are the 'drawing' of the human mind. Our emotions are either good or bad, we share them and the peoples reactions around us are good or bad. If they are good then that is spectacular but if they are bad then we heal and move on. There is no changing that.
 As my father says "they are just emotions. We have them and we move on." which is also very true. We have emotions, we share them and we either fix them and move on or we stay stuck in them but sooner or later we must in fact move on or we would be stuck in the same pattern for the rest of our lives.
 You choose, Honesty and moving on in life or not and staying stuck? But remember, usually the people around us will react totally different than the way we imagine. Usually, it turns out for the better :]

Fight or Be Destoyed...But Always Remember You Have Friends...

Not the catchiest title I've ever had, I know. This isn't about catchy though, this is about stating something that is completely and totally true. Either fight for your right as a human being or let your soul be crushed and destroyed beyond all repair. Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out that, yes you are having some problems but number one and the most overused yet still true thing: someone always has it worse and number two: you always have people there for you even if sometimes you don't realize it at first and they would give their lives to make sure that you aren't crushed and destroyed because they love you too much to stand by and see that happen whether you have the energy to stop it yourself or not...
 Sometimes it takes getting to 'The Point Of No Return' to make you realize that you have made it through this, you'd like to see what else life can throw at you because if you've handled this then you can handle anything! You feel like until something else hits you and you at that point need your friends to remind you that you can make it through this just as well or even easier than you did with your Rock Bottom T.P.O.N.R. stage and then you realize that as hard as things can get you can make it through when you have a good force backing you up.
Friends are what can make your life worthwhile, as painful as relationships can be sometimes, they take time to form, grow, and then settle into a comfortable pattern, often times it takes longer for that process to happen then we wish it too, but the people we are waiting for are completely and totally worth the wait so we don't mind waiting.
 As the very wise grandmother character said in a favorite movie of mine "There will be plenty of people rooting for you to fail...that's what makes it so fun." When you realize that sometimes they win the battle but in the long run you'll win the war it makes it a lot more fun to watch then make fools of themselves while you decide not to care what they think or what they are doing but simply being yourself and having a fun time with your friends. Having a blast watch the people who have made it their sole mission in their lives to make your life a living hell fail miserably while they think they are the cats meow and you and everyone watching them knows they are nothing but pathetic, messed up, little people who need to hurt others to make themselves feel good.
 Then there is that moment when you realize your friends were right all along and those people are worthless and even if you did get when you thought you needed to be like them you know that you'd never stoop to their level of low to get it and that makes you feel good. And sometimes feeling good about yourself can bring a smile to your face and help you get through things. Day by Day.