May It Be

Do you remember, as a child playing with those toys where you had to place the shaped pegs inside of the correct hole and you push so hard that it almost breaks? Then, you stop pushing, take a breath and realize that no matter how hard you push that it just isn't going to fit. Sometimes our life and the way we handle things is like being back playing with that toy. Pushing and pushing until it's close to snapping. You need to learn to step back, take a deep breath and let it go into the right hole, but in this case you need to step back and let things happen like they need to. If you don't push then things will either go back to how they were or they mold into how they should be. 

   It'll never matter how much you push you need to let things come as they may, let it happen like it needs to because when you do that things will one way or another be alright.

Be.

Sometimes there are no words for a mood you're feeling. Not because you can't put words into the situation and you can't describe your mood but simply  because you can't seem to find a way to explain why you feel the way you do. Simply because. And that is it. Because. Just is. You are feeling fabulous and you don't care why you do, it is as simple as you feel amazing and that is that.

  When you feel that way, just let it happen. Just let yourself feel that amazing and feel that stupendous without asking why, just let it be. 

Be Yourself

Yes! I know that is the worst advice someone can give you. "Be yourself." How can you be yourself when sometimes you don't even know who 'you' is? Well, when it call comes down to it, you need to breathe, relax and just let your body take control.
  Let your body do the talking for you, because when you breathe, center yourself and let your body take over, your mind often settles down, and just follows suit.
  Allowing this to happen, to let your body take the reigns, things fall into place and they go back to normal. Or at least as normal as your life possibly can be :)

Learning From Your Mistakes

There are times in your life when things come up and you much overcome them, suffer in the pain or learn from them.

 This evening i learned Do not mix your past with your present and future, things will become a mess and you will instantly regret it, you just need to pray it isn't a mistake you regret for the rest of your life. Learn from your mistake, seek forgiveness and move on, allowing it to become the past.

Keep It Coming

Everyday you are going to be faced with things that you'll never quiet understand. Why is it happening, Why couldn't this just be easier, why do things have to be so confusing? Everyday there is going to be a new challenge for you to keep yourself going. That's just how life works.
 You just have to find something to keep yourself going with, whether it be something as simple as recalling memories, looking at pictures to something as complicated as switching up your entire look. Either way you choose to go you need to find something that works for you to keep yourself going.
  Things can get erased, lost or broken and you can either take it as something that happened purely by accident or you can tell yourself this is the universes way of telling yourself that you needed a fresh start and that you need to start things over. As hard as it may be you needed to start again and you weren't going to do it yourself so the universe made an executive decision and did it for you. Take a moment, let things sink in but then tell yourself: Things will only get better from here.
 Then pick yourself up, clean yourself off, brush your hair back and say:

      "Okay universe, I've got this. Keep it coming."

Speaking Your Mind

Sometimes a confession is the easiest way to get out the truth.

Confession:
              The truth is, I'm sitting out under the stars thinking about Quasars, how beautiful it is just to see all the stars and how amazing it is that there is so much going on around us. I'm thinking about how spectacular and outstanding you are and how much i miss you. How I want to talk to you more than anything; even though i'm the one who asked for space and how I wish, every time someone is at the front door i'm praying it's you; coming to get me. Coming to get me just to tell me you want me and that you love me. I'm thinking that I know i shouldn't be writing this and it isn't going to help things move along any more than they are and that it doesn't matter if i should or shouldn't be writing this because you most likely aren't going to read it anyway. But on the off chance that you do i just wanted to let you know you are The Joker to my Harley Quinn. You always will be. I love you and I hope you're looking up at the stars and thinking. <3

Black and White

Not everything is in black and white. You need to learn to read between the lines and teach yourself to find the bullshit.

Pacing Yourself

When something has come to a pause in your life you need to learn to pace yourself. Even though there's a promise of continuation you still have the doubts in your mind that things will work out to how they used to be or better. You doubt that things will work out at all and that you'll be left with this big, gaping, painful hole that you wouldn't be able to fill. Daily you wonder if things will work, was there something else going on that isn't being said, is there someone else you need to worry about taking your place? So many questions going through your head at once, not knowing which ones to sort out. Not knowing which thoughts to follow through and which to push to the side. 
 Pace yourself. Yes, it will be difficult to do but you do need to pace yourself. You need to tell yourself "Things will work out", "Things are going to be okay." "There is no one else, they still love you." "Breathe deep and trust them. Trust that they're telling the truth and that things are going to be as they should be." It is going to be challenging to separate all of your feelings and thoughts but you need to do it. In order to survive the moment you are going through you are going to have to pace yourself.
Believe in your relationship. Breathe. Pace yourself. Distance yourself for a while. Breathe. Repeat.

Deciding

Decisions. decisions. Making decisions can be the most difficult experience of your life. You think along all the ways this could go wonderfully, completely, totally right and then directly next to that thought train is the ways it could go horrifically, unnaturally, and one hundred percent wrong. 
 When faced with those two avenues sometimes there is no easy way of which on to take sometimes there is. For the most part you need to hunker down and act like an adult. Bite the bullet and make the choice. Often times, when you follow your gut things turn out okay, if by chance you go against what you feel in your very core then you most like will end up in emotional turmoil  your feels all crazy and such. As the time comes that you are faced with one of these choices follow your instincts, they were given to us for a reason.
 When you make those decisions they do effect the people around you but don't let that stop you from making the one that is best for you. When you've made the right decision then you will know, from the inside out. Your feels will agree with the rest of your insides and all will be well, maybe not directly after the choice but as time wears on all shall be as it needs to be. Don't let those in your life influence what you need to do in order to live the most chaos free life you possibly can.
 Keep in mind, when you do make your choice it doesn't mean that you love someone any less, it just means that you love them but you are taking care of your needs first, which if they love you they will understand and they will stand by your side in the decisions that you make. 


P.s.
          If it helps you say to yourself, "Remember, I love you. I love you and I did this not only for myself but for us." 
  It might help along your path of deciding :)

Raging Feels

Those moments when you have so many emotions and feelings going on throughout your body at once you don't know where to start sorting out the important ones from the ones you could go the rest of your life without verbalizing. You know where all the feels belong and you know how to say them you just have no freaking idea where to begin. 
 All in one day you can feel like things are going to be good and then suddenly you crest the peak of your emotional feel-coaster and it's all down hill from there. No hope in even attempting to try and hold it together or shriek out of sheer angst. If you are in the privacy of your own home or a friends home you don't mind breaking down in just let it happen. Let the ride come to a stop and slowly but surely exit the cart to compose yourself once more before anything else dramatic happens. 
 One moment you're laying down fine, no real feels coursing through your veins and then suddenly...BAM!... you're hit with all sorts of feels, so many that they're pouring out of your eyeballs. Then you know you're in trouble. Again, just let it happen and it will happen less and less throughout the day. The more you fight your feels the harder they are going to be to control the harder it is going to be to contain yourself and compose yourself be public appropriate. The more you let your feels out the calmer you become throughout the day.
 You finally let yourself see the light of day, you've let your feels take control for a day or two and you finally grace the world with your presence, let the sun hit your skin and take some deep breaths of fresh air and tell yourself to stop being a little bitch and get yourself together. Once you get yourself together it becomes easier to be around yourself as well. You're not constantly tearing up, you're not shaky in breathing, you're calm and you realize that things are going to work out how they should. Things are going to go back to how they were and you're going to feel like you again. You're going to feel normal and realize things will be fine and you're being over dramatic for no reason. Of course it doesn't seem that way at the time, with all the feels coursing through your body you feel that being that dramatic is totally normal. Yet, soon you will realize that you're going to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and continue you're everyday life, with or without the person who dug up all these wild feels.
 Tell yourself that you control your life no one else does, they only have the power to upend your life if you allow them that power, otherwise no one else can do that to you. No one can cause you to act ridiculous and be erratic unless you allow them to.
 Sometimes communication can be the reason for all the crazy feels. You're trying to come to terms with a situation and breath and get over things and take baby steps to feeling normal again and the communication between you and the subject that caused this, hurts you more than it helps you. You love hearing from them at the moment but it's hard because you don't know how to  act while the chat is commencing. You don't know what to say that won't make you come off as a pathetic, clingy, unwanted mess. You don't stay clam and collected as you plan you end up becoming a sniveling teary mess. Allowing your feels to hit once again. You contact them because you'd rather let your feels rage than go without talking to them because while you're chatting them up you feel like yourself again and you feel normal but then as soon as the contact of the moment ends you don't know what to do with yourself. Until you talk to another human whose feels are significantly more under control and you realize you need to not communicate with them. No contact, no chatting them up, not checking up on them because for the time your feels aren't solid enough to handle it. You need to let them be the one to come to you, let your feels calm down and chill out and let them come to you let your feels see you don't need to make first contact because sooner or later (preferably sooner in all situations) when they miss you they will check up on you or call or just let you know that you're on their mind. 
 As hard as it is going to be not being the one to practically beg for the attention it's what needs to happen. You need to back off so that things can calm down and you can stabilize and things can either going back to how they were or change for the better. Don't tuck your feels away altogether however, you don't want the person to think they don't matter, there is a line you're going to have to find to let the person know that they are the most important person in your life and how in love with them you are and that you understand why things have taken the turn to how they have but you don't want to suffocate them. 
 Just as in reality once you suffocate them, their attachments to you dies a little and then you have no choice but to move on because once it's dead you can't revive it, so keep your feels just lively enough to send some love their way but not enough to take all their breath away.
 Remember, raging feels aren't a bad thing! It all depends on how you handle them. <3

When You Find Yourself Lost

Do you ever have those moments when you know you're on top of the world and you realize 'i have never been this happy!' and then you get the fear that it won't last long. You can't bring yourself to admit it verbally, because verbalizing it makes it true, but you know in your heart that it won't last much longer, because that's what happens, good things don't last long.
  As you're being told by someone that they still love you and that things are going to be okay. "Things are going to work out and we aren't ending it, we just need to wait for a time when we don't have to push things." Your entire person is shaking, trying to control yourself as you completely and totally one hundred percent lose it and turn into a sniveling, begging mess. Begging them not to end things and begging them to give you another chance to not leave you because even as you're trying to get yourself to shut the fuck up you can feel yourself dying on the inside. Months of being together and you're acting like you're losing your soul mate, like you cannot live without them and you don't know why. They tell you that it's going to be okay and it isn't ending it's just being put on pause. Just for now until you don't have to push things, that they still feel the same and they still love you and their feelings haven't changed and they want to give it another try and if it weren't for the timing we could last for a long time. As you're listening to them, you're trying to take it all in but it isn't working; your chest is getting heavier, you start to get light headed and you beg yourself not to be sick. You beg yourself not to make yourself into an even bigger fool then you already have.
  You feel like your drowning and you want to believe them and everything they're saying, you want to believe that everything is going to be okay because despite only knowing them for such a short time they have become such a huge part of your life and you've fallen head over heals in love with them. Everything about them, their smile, their laugh, the way they can never give you and yes or no answer, how passionate they are about everything (including you) and how much they care about everything and then you realize that you can live without them but a huge part of your soul would be missing and you don't want to have to do that you want to have hope for the future  there are moments when you doubt that and you're sure that nothing is going to happen and no good is going to come from it but then you think of all the conversations you've have, how much fun you have doing nothing together and how amazing he is at making you feel like you're flying.
  Just remember, when you're feeling lost, remember how he makes you feel with a simply glance. How he makes you feel simply by smiling at you. You feel like you're flying and like you've never had a reason to doubt anything. Just remember that he loves you and he wants to be with you and at the moment the universe is testing how strong the two of you are together. Always remember that the two of you can be stressed, pushing things, and knocked down that you can get up and this is just the universes way of telling you, that you've passed the test and you're going to make it. Remember when you're feeling lost that you are going to make it.

Finding Your Spark

Have you ever come to a point in your life where you don't want to do the things you once loved doing? Like, you just have no desire to breathe let alone stand up, move around and function in the human world? You've become very familiar with once certain pair of pajamas, you have the junk food isles memorized in alphabetical order, you've also memorized multiple numbers to the closest food delivery places, and your one little place of safe haven has your entire body structure known by heart because you've been there so long.
  Until, one moment out of nowhere you suddenly decide you're going to do things again, not because you're tired of everyone asking you what's wrong or because you feel like you have to but because you WANT to. For the first time, in a long time you want to do the things that you once adored doing. You're not sure why at first, but then little by little you discover why. 

  You discover that someone is your life has brought back the sun. You feel warm and vibrant when you're around them. You can feel yourself glowing, you cannot stop smiling (so much your cheeks hurt) and when you smile you can feel it reaching your eyes. Which hasn't happened in so long you can't remember. It hits you that this, not that past things not past anything THIS is what it's like to be happy. 

  This is what it's like to have someone want you unconditionally, not changing anything about yourself. They want you exactly how you are, you aren't sure why but you decide you aren't going to question it, you're just going to let it happen and you're going to cherish every moment. Because, for the first time, you have someone who cares exactly what you do, who is crazy about your personality, wants to protect you and make you laugh just because.

  Albert Schweitzer said something that could not solidify what I am trying to say more "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."

  When you find something who is able to relight that flame, that went out without you even realizing it you need to cherish them and let them know every possible second that you need them in your life and you want them to be there because you've finally, after all that time found it. 

  You've found your spark.